Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is the most debilitating symptom of my ADHD, and I was not even aware of its existence until a few months after my diagnosis. Prior to that, I simply believed that I was someone who was overly sensitive; a people pleaser that didn’t know how to handle criticism.
Since learning about RSD, it hasn’t gotten any easier to deal with, but my new found understanding of it has helped me experience and accomplish things I never would have before. Things like being able to unmask on social media (despite millions of people watching) and going on the Dr. Phil show to talk about my struggles with reading as a kid!
I am not sharing this to boast, but rather to offer encouragement to the ADHDers who may have missed out on opportunities in the past due to a fear of rejection from countless past criticisms. Even now, when I encounter a new opportunity, I must first acknowledge the potential for criticism or rejection and accept the risk involved.
Let me tell you…
IT’S WORTH IT!
What is RSD?
“Rejection sensitive dysphoria is a triggered, wordless emotional pain that occurs after a real or perceived loss of approval, love, or respect.” William W. Dodson, MD
It is surprising to note that the diagnostic criteria for ADHD does not include anything about emotional regulation. If I had been aware of the emotional component, I would not have waited until I was 25 to seek a diagnosis. According to Dr. Dodson, “more than thirty percent of adolescents and adults with ADHD list their emotional instability as the most debilitating aspect of their ADHD.”
Although there are various mood and emotional disorders, RSD seems to be unique to ADHD. The distinguishing feature of RSD is the intensity of the emotional experience it produces. The term "dysphoria" derives from the Greek word meaning "unbearable." Personally, it can feel like being stabbed in the back or having the air knocked out of my lungs.
Common Emotional Responses
Our responses to rejection are commonly expressed in 1 of 3 ways:
External Rage
Internalization and Isolation
Breaking down due to immense sadness
Here’s what has helped me!
While I am confident that I am going to experience some level of RSD for the rest of my life, I have already seen MASSIVE amounts of progress in how I handle rejection! Here are some strategies that have worked for me and may work for you:
Tracking Your Wins: This is especially helpful when you do something that you anticipated being rejected or criticized, but it went better than expected. For example: You were nervous about messing up during a public speaking engagement, but you killed it and were proud of it. OR something as simple (but not easy) as telling someone “no” to something, despite the thought of them rejecting you.
Practicing Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. The hardest thing to do when feeling rejected is to stop and challenge the thought, but it has become a powerful tool in my toolbox.
Finding Community: Surrounding yourself with supportive people who understand your condition can help you feel less alone and more validated. I could NOT imagine taking on this journey alone. I am so grateful for my wife, my friends, the ADHD community, ADHD Social, my coaches and YOU AWESOME PEOPLE! These people encourage and validate me in ways I couldn’t for myself.
Thank you for reading!
It is my goal to empower you to live joyfully, despite the challenges that come with ADHD. I hope you found this post encouraging and validating!
If you are struggling with RSD, and are struggling to make progress on your own, I have good news! YOU DON’T HAVE TO! I am a full-time ADHD coach that has worked with hundreds of ADHDers, just like you and I. With my Recognize, Rebuild, and Reframe framework, I help people with ADHD understand their brains, build habits and structures that work for them, and transform the way they feel about themselves!
If you would like to know more about ADHD coaching and how we can work together, I offer a FREE intro call HERE. This call is simply for me to get to know you and determine if you would be a good fit for any of my coaching programs. If I don’t feel I am the best fit for you, I will point you in the right direction! :)
PS, don’t forget to mention you are one of my Substack Subscribers on our call!
Get out there and WIN,
Damon Manley